More Than Breath

I started my last cross country post with a quote. I have another quote that encompasses my focus for this season of track.

It's a concept I've been trying to master for about a year. I can't say I have yet, but I got just a little taste of it this season. That is, experiencing pain and not caring because I wanted something else even more than comfort.

At the beginning of the year, I made goals for myself. A 1:09 400m, 2:39 800m and a 5:59 1600 (roughly a mile). Which ones did I accomplish? Well, let's see.

The season unofficially started earlier than usual for me. I did an indoor track camp for 6 weeks at the beginning of the year at a local community college. I had never run on an indoor track and even after this experience, I can't say I love running inside on a tiny track where the air is dry. But I still had a blast, learned a lot and met some cool people including Maurice Mitchell, semi-finalist 200 sprinter in the 2012 Olympics. He was the sprinting coach so I didn't hang out with him much but he lead the warm ups and signed my shoe. Oh, and we had matching Nike watches.

Even though he isn't famous, the distance coach, Chris, was an amazing coach. He never failed to have a solid workout for us and even better, he ran them with us. My favorite days were Turnover Thursdays aka speed days. We did fun but exhausting workouts like three man relays. The camp was over all too soon but it was certainly worth my time and money. It gave me a prepared edge going into the outdoor season.

I also had the opportunity to go to MU for an indoor meet. Quite honestly, I felt really rusty. Getting back into the track meet groove isn't the easiest thing in the world. But on top of that, indoor tracks are almost always 200m rather than 400m. This makes racing different because there are twice as many laps and the curves are tighter. In any case, I ran a 2:59 800 which scared me because, even tho I knew I was out of shape, I didn't know I was THAT out of shape. On the other hand, I made a massive PR of 6:21 in the 1600. I knew that my mile time had drastically changed when I started running 6:30 first miles in my cross country races a few months before. This was all foreshadowing to the fact that the 1600 was about to become my new focus rather than the 800 like last year. I also ran the 3200 just because I could. It was horrible. Just...bad. We'll leave it at that.

A note on shoes: New Balance RC1400's have been my very most favorite running shoe I've ever found--enough to buy another pair for this season. This is a comparison to the old and new. You can tell which one went through a muddy season of cross country. Also, that's Maurice's signature on the dirty shoe.

Outdoor season wouldn't come fast enough. And it passed much too fast.

Welcome to track life, folks!

The first meet was a practice meet with just two other teams. Nothing counted; it was just for evaluation and new people to see how it works. I had requested to be added to the 1600 but I don't think my coach thought much of it...until I crossed the finish line second and first on the team, with a new PR of 6:12. I think he was pleasantly surprised. But now I knew I was locked into this race and could not disappoint from now on. The rest of my races I finished in my normal average times. Again, another foreshadowing of my season to come.

 Meet 2 was cold. Too cold. Plus it was a 300m track. Boy, does that mess a runner up. I ran half decent times but no PR's.

Number 3 was another pretty average meet of not PRing or doing that well in general. We all have those days, right?

Number 4 on the other hand went very well. My 4x800 team ran well with me also PRing in my leg. I ran close to my PR in the 1600, and I also ran my fastest 400 of the year in the 4x400. I lead off the 4x4 as usual. The unusual part was that I started the race off in the same lane as another girl which never happens when running the 400. It's a lanes all the way race which means you have your own lane the whole way. But because of the circumstances, the race officials had to improvise. There were 5 teams and only 4 lanes (this was an exceptionally small track). Instead of splitting us up into heats, they decided to put me and another girl together to battle it out in the outside lane. Because I'm a pretty slow 400 runner, I immediately let her take the lead, not wanting to create too much trouble. But half way around the track, I realized that I was keeping up with her just fine. In fact, I still had plenty of energy which is not normal for me at this point in the race. As we rounded the curve, I decided to take my chances and pass her. After a few seconds, I was a stride ahead of her and pulling out. I passed the baton to my teammate and peeled off the track. At that point, I realized I also hadn't been passed by anyone else which meant I had put my team in first right off! It didn't stay that way, but we still came close to our team record (we might have broken it but I'm not sure). When I asked my coach for my split, I didn't care about what place we were in because I had run 7 seconds faster than any of my other 400s so far that season, tying it with my 400 PR last season. I really have no idea what got into me that night to make me run like that.

Meet 5 was dark and drizzly and also disappointing for me personally. My coach decided to make it unofficially a JV meet for our team because it was limited entry. As a result, I only got put in the 4x800 to give other people a chance to do some events. My goal was to make the best of it and break 2:40. Unfortunately, I wasn't feeling it that day. My legs were tight and felt heavy. Despite my best effort, I came up just short of my goal. As much as I wanted to be down in the dumps because this disappointment, I couldn't help but have fun for the rest of the meet because, hey! I didn't have any more races to worry about so I could just mess around, take silly pictures and cheer my friends on without a care.

Homeschool State started out a bit stormy so it was pushed back a few hours. My friend and I went down the street to Wendy's and got lunch while we were waiting. Finally the clouds cleared and the meet got started. I PRed in the mile but we had no competition in the 4x800 and 4x400 which made it disappointing because that meant I really only competed in one event.

Number 7 was hot. Hot hot hot. I had no idea how I was going to make it through the day, let alone do well. I ran my leg of the 4x800 and did pretty well along with my 4x400 leg. But I ran the 1600 with great gusto and PRed. At least according to my watch, coaches watch, another spectators watch and the person standing at the finish line calling out rough times... Oh, but the timing system was having issues and they gave me the time of the person behind me. This did not make me happy at all but I am still going to go with 6:04 (which put me as the team record holder) rather than the "official" 6:12. I wasn't the only one with a wrong time in that race nor many of the other races. It was a miserable day but the PR kept me cool.

The last meet was Homeschool Nationals, a two day event. I was signed up to do the 3200 on day one which I was almost excited about because coach wanted me to pace the top 3200 girl on the team in the first mile of the race. Unfortunately, I felt an injury coming on and decided to scratch it to save myself for my events the next day. Instead, I got to be coaches assistant with a walkie-talkie at the 200 mark and coach people along in their races. Later on, a group of us crazy teenagers decided to go on an adventure by foot to find the Subway down the street for dinner. We went a roundabout way, winding through neighborhoods and one of the boys lost his phone along the way. That took us a while to find in the dark but it was found so it's all good. We also made it to subway eventually so we didn't starve.

The next day was my day--my last chance this year to hit my goals. I started out feeling good about it. But then I ran the 4x800 only to find that I ran an average time even though I thought I had ran harder than that. Shot one to my confidence. A few hours later, I ran the open 800 which I ran at my worst time of this outdoor season. Shot two to my confidence. Then the heat of the day kicked in. Shot three to my confidence. I had a few hours to sit there and think of my fate. With the way I was running so far, how in the world was I going to do any good in the 1600? In this heat no less. Then I thought back to the week before when I had PRed in the blistering heat. It never happens that way but that day it did. I could do it again. Yes. Yes, I would do it again. This was the last chance to break 6 minutes. I had to give it my all. I would never forgive myself if I didn't. With a few hours to go, my parents offered to take me to Bass Pro down the street to go look around and cool off.

When I got back, there was about an hour left to wait. While I was gone, people had found that it was much cooler under the bleachers so that's where I sat while I waited for my fate. They finally called the 1600 and I groaned. Why couldn't I be a sprinter that didn't care what the weather was? I went down into the heat to wait a little longer until my age group ran. I remembered the pep talk I had given myself as I walked onto the track. I could do this.
It wasn't long before everything hurt. My lungs burned from lack of oxygen and my legs were on fire, not wanting to go any faster. As I finished the first 800, my split was called out and I knew I had to pick it up or else I wasn't going to get my goal. On the last lap, a teammate passed me. No. No this couldn't happen. I passed her again but she kept right on my tail. I told my legs to go faster. The pain would be over soon. Less than a lap to go. Go, go, go. A few meters from the finish line, she passed me again. My heart sank. I tried to go faster but to no avail. I finished a second or two behind her. I also knew I hadn't met my goal of breaking 6 minutes. My heart was shattered as I staggered to the side, moaning loudly. I didn't care who heard me. I had run harder than I had ever run and I hadn't done it. The situation got worse as I learned that I hadn't even PRed (second best time tho) and my teammate had taken the team record from me by less than a second. The only thing that kept me going was knowing I had tried my hardest. I had never before run with that much determination. To know that I could want winning (meeting my goal in this case) more than anything was reassuring. If I can just take this mindset into my future seasons, I can go places.
After all that, I still had one more race. The 4x400. I knew this wasn't going to go well. 3 of the 4 people on the relay team had also just finished the 1600. Lo and behold, I ran a sluggish 400 and we didn't do too well. I was dead. I had no kick left in my legs. What a disappointing ending to the season. I tromped up the bleachers to where my stuff was. Half way up, I remembered something. SUGAR! I ran up that thing in nothing flat and dove into my bag to find my saved cookie. I had done a sugar fast for the entire season again so the thought of being able to eat sugar once again brightened my day right up. The sweetness filled my mouth and all my disappointment melted away. It hadn't been thaaaat bad of a day.
So which goals did I hit? None of them. Not one. I didn't even come close in the 400 and 800. But I still got something: the knowledge that I can push myself harder than I thought. And that's exactly what I'm going to do in my upcoming and last year of high school running. I finished the season with a PR of 6:04 in the 1600. Much better than I would have ever dreamed of before the season began. I also placed in the top 6 of every race I was in so you know what? It was a successful season despite not quite meeting my lofty goals.

~~~~~~

I didn't want to clutter the main part of the post with a bunch of pictures but there are a lot more that I like so here they are for anyone interested. I narrowed them down a lot but there are still quite a few.

My awesome team!

 Spring sports banquet.

 Lotsa Running

Coach is always watching...

Relays

Helping with Blocks

Silly Pictures

Celebrate! We don't have to run the 3200!

Some meets were cold.

Although I didn't take most of the pictures in this post, I still took a lot of my teammates.

I didn't do some big video production this year but I took the best of the pictures posted on Facebook and put silly captions on them. Enjoy the slideshow.

https://picasaweb.google.com/100916094605592356933/TrackCaptions2014?authuser=0&authkey=Gv1sRgCJG2m9Oz2LSaFg&feat=directlink

Rest in Peace, My Childhood

Growing up for me has been a rough concept. I don't want to leave the comforts of my childhood but I also don't want to look needy. I've shed more than a couple tears over this dilemma and pretty much everything that has to do with adulthood. Thursday night, with less than an hour until my 18th birthday, I wrote this poem-like piece. As I wrote it, I found myself coming more and more at peace with my situation. As I went back and read what I had wrote, I hardly edited it. Very uncharacteristic of me. I couldn't believe that I had just written it. I posted it on Instagram right at midnight but I thought I'd share it here too. Maybe year's from now, I'll look back, read it again and think its stupid but it's what got me through my 18th birthday, which I had been dreading for over a year. So here it is with a bonus of a slideshow for fun.


 https://picasaweb.google.com/100916094605592356933/18Years?authuser=0&authkey=Gv1sRgCPPu8o6a_s2f0wE&feat=directlink

Rest in peace, my dear Childhood. You have served me well. So many happy memories of which many I could tell. Adulthood seemed so novel when I was young. Now it's daunting and scary as it drags me along without a choice. I don't want to go there.
 Please take me back, my Childhood. I didn't appreciate you near enough. It was easy back then. There wasn't stress or a to-do list that stretched longer than I will live. Money wasn't a necessity but simply a toy and work was just chores around the house. Time came in great abundance and I could read silly fiction for hours. Schooling was simple and fun. Why did no one tell me that all of that would change so fast? To treasure it, to make it last? 

Take me back, my beautiful childhood. I had no idea how much you spoiled me until recently. Now you lay down still, leaving me in the hands of this stranger named Adulthood. Are you sure I'm safe with it? How can I be sure? Oh please, talk to me just once more! 

But wait, is that a heartbeat I hear? Is there life still left in you? Yes, come back! Your eyes open, just a crack. I grab your hand. You speak softly so only I can hear as you whisper in my ear. "Be strong, young woman. Take your memories with you and keep me in your heart, for this is just the start. Though I may be gone, my spirit will stay with you. Adulthood will lead you down many paths that I could never find. So many new opportunities that I could never give you. It's time to move on, now let me go. You have a new path to follow. Just don't forget me and you'll be fine. I love you, dear Child of mine."

My Childhood, you draw your last breath at midnight. A tear or two fall from my eyes as you slip away. I draw a shaky breath and gently rest your hand by your side. I stand and slowly face Adulthood. It's looks at me and smiles. Something is different. I realized I can become friends with it. Maybe it's not such a bad thing after all. 

My childhood, you will be greatly missed. I will now rely on Adulthood to carry me through the rest of my life. Rest in peace, my Childhood. Your resting place is in my heart where you will never be forgotten.

October Rain

I just realized that I never posted this video that I made a few months ago. After a lot of trouble with my old video editor (thank heavens we have a new one now), I finally got this out of my hours of work. I don't regret the time it took.

It was a rainy day last October and I got the urge to go outside and capture the beauty of the day. The snails were my favorite.

MoPro

MoPro (Mormon Prom) is common in some places but it was just this year that one happened here for the first time. I don't have much to say about it so I'm mostly making this post to post the pictures.
The dance was DJed by a boy band named "Prince Ivan" that hailed from Branson. They also put on a short concert half way through which I didn't love (boy bands and screaming girls aren't my thing). Thankfully, there were other rooms with activities like silly pictures (as seen below) and a mock "Dating Game" which I went and watched because a few of my friends participated in it. The building was decorated nicely to go with the theme "Time After Time", meaning it was a decades themed dance. Yes, I did dress in a formal, which my mom helped me make modest by finding a shirt that actually matched surprisingly well. And yes, I had a date (although we didn't go to dinner or do the corsage/boutineer thing). Yeah, bet you didn't see either of those coming. So, here are some pictures. Yay!

Shooting for the Moon

“Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars.” 

-Les Brown

This has been my motto during this passed cross country season. At the end of my post last year, I said my goal for this year was a 23 minute 5k. I wasn't sure how possible that would be. I quickly found out that it was possible. More than possible in fact.

The season started off strong when I placed second in time trials, coming in 30 seconds behind my friend Kailey and cutting about 2 minutes of my time the year before.

For the first meet, which was on September 5, I made three goals. I wanted to run a sub 20 4k, place in the top 10 and beat Kailey. I ran an 18:26 (beating my PR by 2:01 minutes), placed 10th and did in fact beat Kailey.

The second meet (Sept 21) was a chilly morning at a fairly flat course. A perfect morning for a PR. And PR I did; my 4k now a 16:59. Another minute and 27 seconds shaved off. Although this was my final 4k PR for the season, I kept steaming on ahead.

September 28 I arrived out of breath because I was late; only 30 minutes until my race started. I was at the biggest meet of the season. If you're a runner in the Midwest, you might know exactly what I'm talking about when I say Rim Rock Invitational. You may now pause to cringe. It was cold, drizzly and muddy. Mud like I have never experienced. Despite my many near-death experiences on the trail, it was surprisingly fun. The first mile was flat and didn't have too much mud. And then it went down hill from there. And uphill. Lots of painful uphills. Going up those mini mountains was hard but coming down was just a controlled fall. If you could keep it in control that is. I quite near did a face plant multiple times while other people actually did end up tumbling down the muddy slopes. I skidded right off the trail a few times, came to complete stops to regain balance and almost wiped other people out as I slid all over. Needless to say, there was no point in hoping for a good time. I, instead, focused on staying upright and finishing without ending up unconscious. I finished the race in 18:32, my worst time of the season but still almost 2 minutes faster than my PR from 2012. I finished 80th out of 238 in the Blue Varsity division.

October 7 was a rescheduled meet. When we had shown up in McLouth, KS a few weeks before, the JV teams were able to finish their races. But just as I was lining up with the varsity girls, the thunder and lightning struck, causing the rest of the meet to be cancelled. So here we were back at McLouth high school. We did a run through and I thought that the course seemed like it would be fairly easy. Nope. It turned out to be deceptively hard. I was struggling at the end, not really wanting to push it in. But I could hear a girl from my rival team right behind me. In fact, she passed me. No, I would never be able to forgive myself if I let her beat me. It was one of those days that I dug deeper than I thought was possible. And yet my time still wasn't close to what I wanted.

Carl Ozarwick is an interesting meet because it isn't run by team but rather by age group. You run individually and there is no team score. Although a little hilly, I still like the course. It was a very strong race in which I came in 4th in the junior division with a time of 17:32 (4k).

The 14th was my first 5k of the season. My goal at the end of last year was to hit the 23 minute mark for a 5k this year. I got a time of 23:17 on the hilliest course second only to Rim Rock and placed 2nd. It was the least competitive meet of the whole season so I wasn't exactly pushing too hard. I locked in my second place win at about the quarter mile mark.

At West Platte, the 29th, I was determined to do a sub 23 and I was fairly confident that was possible. I invited my first track coach and his family to come watch me. His son ran to different points on the course calling out my splits and telling me that I needed to catch this next person to get my goal. I can say that was one of the most helpful things anyone could have done for me during that race. I crossed the finishline at 22:36, ecstatic that I had actually done it!

October 23rd was the last meet before homeschool nationals. I remembered that last year at the Richmond meet I had a lot of energy during the course of the race. I always feel like I could have done a little better in all of my races but this one in particular I knew for a fact that I hadn't used enough energy to make the race the best it could be. This year I was going to redeem myself. I'm not sure if it was the course, but I felt that extra energy again and said I was going for a sub 22 this time. At this point I was getting doubtful that I could keep meeting these insane goals. After all, I had already cut a minute off my PR last week; how could I do it again? They had altered the course slightly from last year which took out a very steep hill so that made me feel a little more comfortable. I started the race easy for the first quarter to half mile but broke free soon after. I was getting my goal and that was final. Every once in a while I would hear a split called out which reassured me that I was on pace. The finish was just about come into sight when I heard a split called out that made me happy. I'd have to run hard but I could do it. I battled that last quarter mile knowing very well what I wanted. I crossed the finish line truly exhausted but eager to see if I had done it. I hobbled over to my coach, almost hesitant to ask, fearing disappointment. He smiled at me and showed the time he had written down: 21:33. My eyes widened as it sunk in. That was another minute and three seconds from my PR set a few days before. I had redeemed my self-that's for sure.

Homeschool Nationals was the first weekend of November. We got to Springfield earlier in the afternoon to check in with the friends that we always stay with when we're down there. Later, KEW and I went to the course with the team to do a run though. After which, we went to Fazoli's to fill up on pasta. Most people were staying in a hotel so I, along with KEW, tagged along and hung out in the lobby for awhile. Most of us girls painted our nails like we had done last year.

The race day weather was very similar to last year: a bit chilly for spectators but perfect for the runners.

I placed very differently this year ranking 5th in varsity rather than 4th in JV. But I was still crushed because I had finished with a time of 21:45. I had reeeeally wanted to go sub 21 and didn't even break my PR. On the bright side, I now knew that the PR I had made the week before hadn't been a fluke and I really could stay under 22.  A college coach from the area had been there to watch and said if I had been on a flat course, with the way I had been running, I could have easily broken 21. This course was extra tricky and I had run my heart out so it wasn't all bad.

Some of the team stopped at Golden Corral for dinner. I ate a lot of salad because I wasn't ready to break my sugar fast quite yet. This is my dear friend, Emily, enjoying her ice cream in front of me.

The Awards Banquet was the next week. I got my letter pin, was recognized for being in the 300 Mile Club this year again and presented our coaches with a book about the season that I had made.

Click here to view this photo book larger
My coach also asked me to make a slideshow for that night so here it is:

In the past, this would usually have been the end of the season (except for the end-of-season bonfire which I was not able to make it to this time). But no, I was able to extend my season for a few more weeks! We were made aware of a club team, the Brocaw Blazers, located in the area. Joining this team gave KEW and me the opportunity to practice with a coach twice a week and go to a fairly large meet in Kentucky.
We got on tour buses bound for Kentucky the afternoon of November 21 and drove all day, ate pizza on the road and stopped in St. Louis at a hotel for the night. The next morning we ate the breakfast the hotel provided and drove until we got to Louisville, KY. Our first stop when we got there was the race course to do a run through and take a team picture. We ate at Golden Corral for dinner and then headed over to our hotel for the night.

The buses left in shifts the next day. My bus left first, bright and early at 7. My race didn't start until 10 so I just took a nap on the bus until it was time to warm up. Warming up seemed like it might be a slight problem because it was so cold but I was layered up enough that once we finished our 10 minute warm up jog, I was sweating. As soon as I took off my sweats, just before my race began, the cold hit me but not as hard as I thought it would. That day, I learned the trick of slathering baby oil on exposed skin to block some of the wind. After only maybe a half mile, I was warmed up and into the racing groove. This was the flattest course I had ever run on so I felt good about this race. I knew I wouldn't be placing very high but a PR was there for sure. In fact, I wanted a sub 21 minute 5k and I knew it was in there. I finished the race in 24th with, sadly, a time of 21:12. Not the sub 21 I wanted but it was still a huge PR! Here is a video of the race. I show up plenty of times but even better, I am interviewed after the race.
This is an album of pictures taken of my race. wowtrackshots.com/p1038179884

After our races, my friend, Henry, and I ran around watching all the races. He actually did some videoing of the action. This is the video he made of the whole trip up until the end of the meet.
I failed to realize that there was an ongoing awards ceremony until after the time I was supposed to be there. I also hadn't realized the I had placed in the top 25 so I would have gotten a personal award. At least I made it in time for the team award. KEW's race was the very last one. He didn't do as well as he had wanted to because he got boxed in for part of the race but you can click here to watch his race. I stuck around for his award ceremony and took some pictures of him getting his personal award. Unfortunately, it was getting unbearably cold so I went back to the bus before he got his team award.

As soon as the last of the awards had been handed out, the team went to Ryan's for dinner. Because we had already checked out and packed the buses that morning, we were able to get on the road as soon as we were done with dinner. We were driving straight through tonight, so it was mostly watching movies and sleeping the whole way home. At about 3am, we pulled into Lee's Summit where our dad picked us up.

Now that the season is over--OK it was over two months ago (I'm a slow writer, I know)--I look back and have no idea how I did what I did. Although I'm not in the elite group, I still went from beginner to semi-competitive in just one short year. I shot for what I thought was the moon and ended up hitting the sun on accident. I wish I knew how I did it but I hope I can keep improving and make next year, my last year of high school cross country, the best it can possibly be. So I'm going to make my new insane goal: sub 20.